HELLO THERE :Dchuxi; nineteen
Yes, welcome to my blog! You don't know what you just landed yourself into! xD But all the same, make yourself at home, get ready your earmuffs,or listen to my crap and grow more white hair
apologise.
9:55 AM
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
well. ii have officially decided. ii should stop scolding FF and might as well stop thinking about her. But my mummy said ii cried iin my sleep yesterday night and ii remembered dreaming of FF. well. watever. bleah.
ii have also decided to apologise to FF if she reads this blog and finds me freaking IDIOTIC. well. iif you read this blog( by some kind of magic or chance), please understand that ii have been very emotional and a bit too harsh in my scolding( maybe that was why it took me 14 times to read the post before ii could stop crying.XD yesh. ii crybaby. cannot meh?), so i am APOLOGISING. please don't complain to ma'am that. You should understand that your doings( maybe u found it right and we found it wrong. maybe our thinkings are opposite.) did some serious effects on us. so please understand. and you can ask me to kneel down and beg you. but watever. STOP DESTORYING OUR SQUAD. we are trying. give us time. ii believe if ur attitude improves we will very much like you. ii hope.
ii also decided to apologise to my mummy. SRY ma. sry ii woke u up because ii cried in my sleep. haix. sry ma. X( ii know u saw that ii cry a lot recently and you care a lot about me, but ma it is okay lah. ii just dun feel like or dun see the need to or dun want to tell you all about my crying over ma'ams, crying over FF de stuff. And today ii cried in Lang. Arts. haix. :( three times. Lucky Jungy was beside me and she understood. lucky. XD and please ii din cry cause ii upset over alchemist test lah. okkies. ii know ii did badly but ii hardly cry over raw grades de lor. Maybe iif on the report book it says like tat than ii might cry bah. waha.
well ii cry because xue ting ma'am took the time and effort to write us a 2 page long (well. 1 page and 4/5?) letter to say that she is sorry if we find her too harsh. and she gave us a very niice speech about how we should stick as a squad and she does not see that in us. Well. hmmph. ii was very touched. Touched that it was test week and she made the effort. And then ii felt guilty. Guilty that ii haven't exactly been a very niice cadet. Guilty for letting her down. hmpph. WEll. and ii clearly know why.. sqm iif uu really know me you should know wat is coming next. ( dun worrry. i got tissue le.XD)
iit iis because ii still haven't got over 37 ma'ams. not yet. passing. but barely half. :( maybe ii take a slower time but well, ii can't help it. (takes one tissue) Jiebin ma'am and Xue Ting ma'am said the same thing, although in different context, that 'ma'ams are just passing clouds in our npcc life.'(takes second tissue) Jiebin ma'am said it to tell us to get on with our npcc life and get over the fact that they were not there anymore. Xue Ting ma'am used it to explain that she to us was a passing cloud and that most importantly, it is our sqm who matters. Although for the second time ii am hearing this, ii can't seem to still fully get the 37 ma'ams out and over. :( (takes third tissue) sry sqm ii might take time, and ii really really appreciate it when u try to comfort me when ii cry and try to understand me, and ur sincerity really really touches me a lot. really a lot. ( takes fourth tissue)
ii can hardly remember the times when we were hardly a squad. All of us dispersed and we were individuals. But times passes. ii can not even remember how we became a squad like this. From strangers to mates ii even spent more time with than classmates. ii really really enjoy the times we spent together. And the times when we help each other, no matter in wat aspect, in npcc wise,in normal school wise and iin emotional wise. (takes fifth tissue) ii don't know and ii don't care. iif one day after ii get out of npcc after my fourth year iin nanyang, and should ii fall in front of an obstacle, ii would always have this memory of us together to fall back on. (takes sixth tissue)
Maybe ii could have been wrong a lot of times , like how minmin and jungy always patiently tell me about my horsekicking( should ii have) and trying to correct me. And how when ii do anything wrongly you all always bothers to tell me what is wrong. ANd when ii feel desperate and depressed u all always makes the most effort to cheer me up. (takes seventh tissue) ii dunno and dun care what might come for our squad next year or the years to come, but ii will know and always remember that we are a squad and that we will always be a squad and that no matter what conflict that might happen, we will remain as a squad. WE will have the 40 blood flowing in us. We will take care of each other. And things may change. But this spirit will never change. ( takes eighth tissue)
Well. ii think ii can't take it le bah. better better go clear up my face before mama comes home and then another interrogation happens. :(
ANd btw. ii flunked my french and today's chinese. at least for chinese ii dunno, but ii reckon. For french, well it is that we got back our papers bleah. AND II FLUNKED IT. and ii also flunked my Lang. Arts alchemist test. bleah. X( poor academic life? u might say tat.
if. u really curious. ii flunked french with 16.5/2o. ii flunked lang. arts with 17/25? pathetic? yes ii agree. and chinese haven't get back yet lah. today just do mah. but well ii always know when ii flunked something.XD
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